A coworker just passed by, mentioning that she has to go Christmas shopping today. I’m laughing inside. I don’t think I’m going to buy much of anything for anyone. A few baubles for some friends, but I’ll probably forget to get cards for my family. I don’t like the holidays. They make me remember that I’m alone in the vast nothingness of an expanding, indifferent universe. I remember one Christmas; the only present I got was a coat from my girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful coat, but I didn’t even speak to my family or any friends. I was supposed to go to a friend’s house this Thanksgiving, but instead I went into some kind of fugue, I became very confused and angry. I didn’t know what was going on around me or how to deal with it. So I didn’t go out. A friend came over to comfort me, I am forever in her debt. I hope Christmas won’t be that bad.