"My Adidas and me, we make a mean team." Well, actually Converse All Stars and me. Call me a corporate whore, I just bought a brand name product at the Maul. Pity me.

"Oh, those pretty little candles! Oh, don't burn them Stella! ...You ought to save them for baby's birthdays. Oh, I hope candles are going to glow in his life and I hope that his eyes are going to be like candles, like two blue candles lighted in a white cake!"

Blanche in "A Streetcar Named Desire".

You ever get the impression that someone was raised by wolves?

Last night, we went to the goth club. I was kindof miserable. I'd tried to call a (girl)friend to hook up, but her phone kept dying. We were on the bus already so I was using a mobile. She tried to call my home number. Grr.

On the way home from work, I stopped by Rite Aid for some beer. I grabbed some other odds and ends (why are condoms so friggin' expensive? They cost almost as much as beer!) when I noticed a bag of toy soldiers in the kids' section. I just put them on my shop shelves. They look odd around my framed Bela Lugosi photo.

Some Ebay listings for Coachella tickets are claiming that the event is sold out already. Buyer beware, I suppose. I can't believe that people would lie like that, when you can still get tickets from Ticketmaster.

Crossing Pecos on my way to work, I saw a C17 (USAF cargo plane) landing at McCarran Airport. I wonder why he wasn't landing at Nellis AFB? It reminded me of living in Colton and San Bernardino when we were under the flight path for Norton AFB.

I just found this site that has photos of a woman's motorcycle trips through Chernobyl. It's creepy.

My roommate can be amazingly dumb sometimes. He put some of my insanity sauce in his soup and forgot to wash his hands before taking a piss. Feel the burn!

I got a present in the mail. A cute red Chinese lamp! It's kind of an inside joke, a friend of mine thinks I'm like Blanche DuBois from Streetcar Named Desire. "I can't stand a naked light bulb, any more than I can a rude remark or a vulgar action."

What's the difference between wistful and maudlin?

Henry Rollins, Gwar, and the Reverend Horton Heat are all coming to town this summer. I just hope I get to see the Banshees and Laibach.

My nails are very long right now, as long as they were when I was most gender-angsty at 18 or so. I just painted them a wonderful shiny blue. I wonder why I've been crying so much the past few weeks. I think I might have just found a reason.

Roommate is out of the hospital, finally. We had a few beers at the Freaking Frog to celebrate.

I got some fake bacon when I went shopping today. BLTs are so grub! I haven't had one since I left Santa Cruz.

"Well we got lucky once before, and I don't want to close the door"

Strange night. I left work early, just catching the Pecos bus. I knew I was low on beer and cloves, so I caught the Tropicana bus to the 7-11 that carries my brand of cloves. They have a slender beer selection; normally they have Heineken 12 packs but it's Friday night and they're out. I picked up 2 32's of Newcastle and some smokes. I got home, drank the beer and ate two slices of the pizza in the fridge. My roommate called at about 3:30, he's out of the ICU. He really wants to talk (he must be bored shitless) but I feel sick all of a sudden and cut it short. I wind up vomiting just after I hang up. I try to sleep to no avail. I want to watch TV in bed, but when we had our cable repaired the stupid fuck swiped one of my splitters. I don’t feel like rewiring so I curl up on the couch. I throw up a few more times. It must be the pizza. I should tell Ian before he gets home; he eats like a goat. I had some chamomile tea at about 5 and finally went to bed. I sort of woke up at 10 or 11 and went into some lucid dreams. They were lush, bizarre settings reminiscent of some of the best French films (like Trip to the Moon, City of Lost Children, or Delicatessen.) Maybe even like Herzog’s imagining of Jonathan Harker’s slow walk to Nosferatu’s castle. I created some strange world segregated by class, each place separated and enclosed like the world of Logan’s Run. I was stuck in the ‘middle class’ section and wanted out; life was too stifling. I improvised some sort of kite to carry me to the poor section, where there was no electricity. We lived in a plush forest area. The ‘idle rich’ were dependent on huge machinations that encroached on our Eden. I’d only seen glimpses of them from behind walls; perhaps it was only their engineers and guards that I saw. I plotted a way to remove their encroachments, but the dream fades at that point.

I really really really didn't want to get out of bed today. At least I got to see a puddle of coagulated blood near the bus stop.

Just got a call from my roommate's girlfriend. He's still in the hospital. She stayed with him for over 12 hours today! I'd so ditch his ass for a bar after like 20 minutes, max.

Poop.

Remakes are getting out of hand, from Planet of the Apes and Godzilla to Dawn of the Dead and now the Last Unicorn and Willie Wonka!!! Feh.

People are really getting on my nerves today.

Ugh, roommate's in the hospital and he just got fired. At least pizza is on it's way.

I just realized that I haven't eaten since Sunday. I really need to stop that.

They've started selecting jurors for the defendants accused of killing Gwen Araujo. It's difficult to believe that this crime occured halfway between San Jose and Berkeley, in one of the most tolerent parts of the world. There is no way I could sit on that jury. I hope they find justice.

Okay, the summer planning starts its serious season. I have the first week of May off for Coachella, but I need to see SF as well. My best window is just before that; I think I can do it the sunday before to the thrursday before. The flight will be about $200, but I think I can manage that, if I get it soon. Wish me luck!

Just got back from Cheers (the one on Maryland and Harmon, not the one in the airport.) The bartender asked me to come to his bbq night when I was there last time. I responded with some obvious vegetarian vitriol, but he had a good come back - he serves quite a few vegans every night. I paid $5 for a plate of tofu marinated in italian spices, butternut squash, rice pilaf, half a baked potato, and vegan cowboy-style baked beans. Yum! I had an Alaskan Amber Ale to wash it down.

I just missed the bus on the way to work so I had time to go to the $0.99 store while waiting for the next one. As I walked in, "Like the Weather" came on the store speakers. "Where on Earth is the Sun hid away." Ironic, since it's so hot today.

Crazy days. So as I mentioned, I made a new friend at Sanctuary few weeks ago. She picked us (my roommate, his girlfriend, and myself) up to go out Wednesday. She came over to my place right after work to change. I?d washed my sheets and cleaned the master bathroom (not that I was planing on making a move, but one can never be too careful,) but my bedroom still has piles of laundry everywhere. She changed in my bathroom. We headed out to the club. I?d gotten the first round of drinks, but she didn?t seem too eager to get the next round. Rather than quibble, I just figured she was broke and got the next few rounds as well. A few bucks between friends should never be an issue, and besides it?s not fun to be drunk as fuck with sober people around. Kinda kills the mood. After like the 3rd round, she admitted that she was broke and she?d get a few rounds next week. We made it home in her small 2 door, my roommate?s head slightly smashed down in the back. My visitor had to work the next day, but we wanted to hang out. She was supposed to be in at 9am. She fell asleep on the couch at about 4 when we were watching Heathers. She woke up as it finished and we continued to hang out until about 8am. Oops. She went to work without any sleep. She came back over on Thursday as well. She wanted to watch Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS but my roommate wasn?t in the mood for that. We watched a few hours of Daria instead. We made some nachos, which were quite grub. I love movies and nachos. Well, at any rate she didn?t get out of my apartment until she was actually late for work this morning. Oops again.

I am *not* glowing!

From my Yahoo! start page:

I am not having a good day. I can't find my wallet, my cable modem is down, and I was 90 minutes late to work becouse of the bus. Grr! I want a xanax and some time in the hot tub.

CNN.com's lead story is "Martha [Stewart] to quit her company". I switched to the international edition to find that changed to "New constitution for Iraq". Now which one is more important?

Okay, while my veggie burger is cooking, I'm going to tell the story of the three day weekend I had for my birthday. I'm off Wednesday and Thursday, and my birthday fell on Wednesday this year so I got lucky. Dan was working late that day, but Ian and Dani were off and Kat came over in the early evening to hang out. We were supposed to go get falafel, (I had told them last week that getting falafel was all I wanted to do for my birthday. I almost canceled it since I'd run out of money by that day, but they were going to treat me. I don't like to expect anything and being in restaurants makes me nervous enough when I have money) but my three friends (roommate, his girlfriend, and Kat) said they needed to go to a pet store first; Kat needed fish and Dani needed cat food. Ian may have needed crickets for his evil poison frogs. I was invited. I went with them to see the pretty rodents, since I'd been missing the rats and guinea pigs I'd had when I was younger. The store is so bourgeois; there are these vapid, vacant people walking around with dogs larger than I am; dogs that cost more than I do. Walking around like the dogs own the world; walking around like somehow these inbred monsters make them better people. Of course that's knee jerk on my part; there was a Great Dane, a Chihuahua, and full sized Poodle there that were all just love. Wonderful animals, I just chafe from the environment. We wandered though the fish so Kat could pick the ones she wanted. I was out of place, but I saw some Koi that made me feel homesick for Porter (there is a wonderful Koi pond on campus.) A part of me wanted to go ALF [Animal Liberation Front] and "liberate" the poor Koi. As we were looking at the rodents, my three friends told me that my birthday gift was a pair of guinea pigs and the equipment to take care of them. We got two female pigs, a large metal cage, and the rest of the things needed to care for the girls. Ian thought that since he’d gotten me a DVD and a book for Christmas, he should do something different for this holiday. Y’know, I’m always happy with a Criterion DVD; they’re very low maintenance. It’s difficult to care for another living being when I can barely take care of myself, but the damage has been done. Perhaps it will provide some more structure to my life, cleaning the cage and petting them. Eris, Ian’s cat, is amused at least. After setting up the cage and letting the girls acclimate for a few, Dan and Kat came by to pick us up. We went to Paymon’s Mediterranean Café, but they had already switched to the late night menu. It wasn’t even 10! I guess since they opened one in the suburbs, our little slice of ghetto/college district doesn’t matter any more. We went across Flamingo to Al Basha. They don’t have booze but they have generous portions and the service is wonderful. I got the falafel that I’d been craving forever. Of course I wound up learning a valuable lesson from this: never eat falafel and expect to get drunk after. It just won’t work. I had like two dozen drinks that night and barely caught a buzz. So we left there and made our way to Sanctuary, our weekly Goth club hidden away in the mess of gay bars commonly referred to as the “Fruit Loop”. I managed to get a mess of free drinks, of course. Everyone wants to see you so drunk you can’t remember your name on your birthday. Plus, since I know the bartender and tend to tip her well, she kept pouring me shots on the house. As that wound down, my friends had to return home. I didn’t feel like it yet and still had some cash so I went with some other friends next. Of course I know the bartenders there quite well so again I got some free beers. I managed to catch a ride home at about 4 and went to sleep shortly after.

On Thursday, we had planned to go to Rhyolite, an abandoned mining town about two hours through the desert north of Las Vegas. On the way out there, we pass of the military test ranges. I spotted one of the new drone planes; it looks something like a U2 with a split end fin (sorry, don’t know the right word for that one, rear stabilizer? Oh well.). The town was inhabited for about 10 years in the early 1900’s. It was like being in a past vision of a near future apocalypse, more like Planet of the Apes or the Time Machine than Blade Runner. There are tin cans laying everywhere, the old ones with the tear off top rather than the newer pop tops. We saw ancient bits of discarded metal everywhere. Inside what was left of the buildings, people had scratched their names and whatever date they had been there, trying to achieve immortality as a part of the walls. I can imagine a time before the park service had an outpost there, during the various depressions and times of national wanderlust the number of squatters and overnight visitors this place has seen. The day was perfect for our visit, a slight cool breeze and clear March sky. Ian and Dani split off from us early, but the three of us still had enough to say about our surroundings. I think we walked more than two miles around what’s left of the city before circling back to where we parked. Our separated companions joined us shortly after. It was easy to tell them apart from the other tourists, two black dots in a sea of lighter colored clothing.

We packed it in and departed that Golgotha for a nearby casino for food and booze. As we left, I became somewhat maudlin. We stopped at a candy store once we got to Beatty. Maudlin gave way to something of a panic. I was sweaty and anxious for little or no reason. Perhaps being so far away from home, I felt like I was about to become homeless and lose everything I own. Oh, did I mention that my mother called me on Wednesday? She called me from a hotel. She said that she spends most nights squatting in an abandoned train station. I have this tapestry that I took from her when I moved out. She didn’t protest much but my sister whined about it. Me taking it is the only reason it’s still around. I had to leave the candy store while my friends shopped, I couldn’t handle it. I wasn’t sure if I should run or fall down. After they had gotten whatever baubles they’d come for, we left for the casino. I was feeling somewhat better when we got there. A beer certainly helped. This casino (I’ve forgotten the name, but I don’t think there are too many out in Beatty) is something out of Gummo! Fucking ugly people. The man who brought us our drinks could barely lift them. I had to grab my Heineken before he dropped it. Ian tried to get a Meister Brau but they were out. He had to setting for Miller High Life, “the Champaign of Beers”. I managed to amuse myself by insulting everyone in the room.

On the ride home, we could see a glow of bombs from the test range behind the mountains. I thought of the dumb drone plane I’d seen earlier and how it is only used for reconnaissance. What horrid creatures are they unleashing back there? What Frankensteins will be leaving for our children? Finally home, I set myself in front of my computer and had a few beers.

Friday. I’m supposed to meet two other friends and maybe a possible date. One of the DJs for Sanctuary is doing double duty with an 80s night on Fridays. I met two of my friends and someone I’d just met a few weeks earlier. We hung out and danced for a few hours and my new friend came home with me for a bit.

The rest, as they say, is history.

I called someone who's number I got at the club. She came home with me the night I met her, we just hung out and chatted. I called to see if she'd be out tonite. I woke her up (I called at 21:00.) She was napping, but she said she'd go to meet me; she even offered to pick me up! She remembered that I don't drive. This birthday has been cool, I'll tell you the rest of the past few days tomorrow.

Oh, p.s.

I shaved twice in three days. I must be on the make.

I got two guinea pigs for my birthday! They're cute and cuddly. I named them Pris and Zhora.

As I was walking home from getting smokes, I saw a man pushing a shopping cart down the middle of the street. He was shouting something. It became clear after a few steps: "A Nigger wakes up on Earth, You don't have a collar, boy!" At first I thought this was some racist fantasy of a bum, but after hearing it a few times, I realized that he was setting someone free; the nigger wakes up without a collar and is now free to roam the earth. Sometimes you find the best performance art in the streets.

I don't like to talk about work here, but something funny happened. My boss finally said something about my nailpolish. As I was typing something at her station, she grabbed my hand and said, "my daughter has that same color!"

Hell, the Marines are pouring into Haiti. I can remember news footage of Aristide standing next to Clinton not too long ago.