God I hate to quote Billy Joel, but here we go:

"Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone"

Coachella is this weekend, I can't wait.

I really don't remember very much from the past few days. I'm not sure if this is good or bad.

High on Xanax and drunk, we had "that talk" last night. I'm not sure how I feel; lonley, depressed, angsty.

Wow, no posts. I've been exhausted. I'm making some soup with carrot, leek, and barley. It should be yum. I'm missing everyone, drinking some merlot, and watching MASH. Time for a wistful sigh.

In Annie Hall, why does Alvy mock Sylvia Plath's tragic suicide while all he reads about are the most tragic deaths? Is it since he wouldn't join any club that would want him as a member? Must he reject the things he really cares about?

From an interview with Moby:

"I'm sure anyone who's ever had to take food stamps to go to the supermarket to buy cigarettes for their mom knows what I'm talking about. It's embarrassing. You live in that constant state where you don't really want people to pay attention to you, because you're afraid if they pay attention to you, they're going to see how inadequate you are."

Why is there meat in my refridgerator?

Jackie Chan turned 51 today.

mal·aise n.

A vague feeling of bodily discomfort, as at the beginning of an illness.
A general sense of depression or unease: “One year after the crash, the markets remain mired in a deep malaise” (New York Times)

Adding on to that quote from a few days ago, something from Annie Hall: "Annie and I broke up. And I still can't get my mind around that. You know, I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind, and examining my life and trying to figure out where did the screwup come, you know. A year ago, we were in love, you know"

Sunday night, we watched Ichi the Killer. That has to be the most fucked Japanese film I've seen since Tetsuo.

There's something about waking up next to someone that *really* makes you not want to go to work.

“Oh, it’s such a perfect day.”

She called in sick yesterday; having not felt well for a few days. I emailed her just after I woke up, sometime around 11am. We had planned on going thrifting when she got off work but she’d left in such a huff the night before I wasn’t sure what to expect. Perhaps I’m too sensitive. I cleaned for a few hours; even scrubbing my bathroom. She’d called into work so we hung out sooner than I’d expected. I’d had some other loose plans but I blew them off. I should have at least done laundry and cleaned my guinea pig cage. We started our shopping spree at the Goodwill on Maryland near Tropicana. It sucks; far too small and way overpriced. I got a Dilbert book, a tea kettle, and of all things a blue paper Chinese lantern. Mainly I need another pair of slacks for work, but oh well. From there, she got some Taco Bell. Rather than walking in to the restaurant for a small respite from the warm day, she goes through the drive through and pulls over near the Ultimate Electronics across the street to eat. She got a cheese quesadilla and a double-decker taco. There was a time when I ate a lot of Taco Bell but now I have no appetite for it. She drenches her food in that flavorless hot sauce and vacuums it down quickly. I don’t remember if I ate the day before or not, but I’m not hungry. She grabs my slightly trembling hands and tells me to eat. I will later, I tell her. We head to the next thrift store, the Savers on Pecos and Tropicana. They have a better supply of clothes, but I can’t find any slacks that fit me. I did find some nice overalls (a work uniform for some elevator repair company!) and a few shirts, however. We decide to go back to her place to drink some and watch some DVDs. I rented a Guy Maddin DVD with Twilight of the Ice Nymphs, Archangel, and a short called the Heart of the World, a Herzog film called Aguirre: the Wrath of God, and a Japanese film called Uzumaki. We start with Aguirre since we’d seen most of it the night before. I really love that film. After that we switched to the first of the Guy Maddin films. He’s very experimental. I begin to feel slightly dizzy and assume that means I should eat something. We leave for a place on Maryland and Tropicana (again) called Macayo’s. It’s a passable Mexican-ish place. A bit plain and over-priced but it’ll serve my needs. I’ve only been there once or twice but I remembered their California Burrito is edible and my companion can indulge her meat fetish. The beer selection leaves something to be desired and I had to settle on a Negra Modelo. Instead of the burrito I get a vegetarian fajita. She gets some sampler plate with miniature tacos and other amusing hors d’oeuvres. I must have overestimated my hunger and didn’t finish much of the fajitas. She mentioned something about not having much cash so I pay. It was only about $25 with tip, so it didn’t break the bank. I feel something of an anxiety attack and ask to go back to my place. I hang up the paper lantern in my room and we chill for a few moments before going back to her place. It doesn’t matter much to me which apartment we go to. I take something for the anxiety and we watch the second Maddin film over some Trivial Pursuit. She won for the second time in a row. I don’t mind loosing from time to time. I completely lost track of time and have no idea what time we went to sleep. She woke up long enough to give me a ride to work, which was nice. We still have to watch Uzumaki so maybe we’ll hang out again tonight.